Monday, December 3, 2012

Oh how things have changed

So that last post was over a year ago.  Where to begin?  That place I moved in to was awesome but then I got a stu roommate (Garhett, who I also worked with) and he turned out to be crazy.  He lost his job so I kicked him out and he moved back home. Then I got another roommate, Tim, who is amazing.  We still live together but in a different place.  We sort of got kicked out of the last place - we were pretty loud.  This new place has definitely calmed us down quite a bit which is probably a good thing.  I am still working at Starbucks and enjoy it about 80% of the time.  I am currently in a relationship with Sam and am about 9 1/2 weeks pregnant.  CRAZY!!!  
Sam is one of Tim's really good friends who, in the beginning, was the reason why we were together.  But I have really fallen for Sam.  He does so much for me and makes me so happy.  He puts up with my crazy and never leaves when we're angry.  He sticks around to fix our problem rather than running from it and that is a huge deal to me.  We're planning on moving in together in March so we can mesh our lives a bit more before the baby comes in June/July.  I'm still really freaking out about this new addition to our lives but I am also extremely looking forward to it.  Sam is going to be an amazing father and I can't wait to see him with our child.  He has such a big heart and would truly do anything for me.  Sometimes I can't believe that I am this happy.  Waking up next to him just makes my days that much better.  I can't even describe this amazing feeling I experience each and everyday with him.  He makes me laugh, he holds me when I cry (which is much more often these days - stu hormones!!!), he goes to the store all the time to get me whatever I'm craving (bananas, pineapple juice and mac&cheese are my current favorites), and he's just all around, a good person.  But enough about him :)
I have amazing friends who I kind of miss.  Since I got pregnant, I haven't been getting out of the house quite as much as I used to.  Luckily I work with most of these people but not all of them.  I do miss them but I also am pretty broke so we have a hard time figuring out what to do at times.  Finances is something that I don't like to think about because it worries me and stresses me out.  Sam wants to get a second job for the time being just to get a little extra income.  I'm kind of thinking about getting a second job too but I don't know if I could physically handle that right now.  We shall see.  
Anyway, didn't make it to burning man this year and def not going next year (I'll have a 3 month old at that point, prob not the best time to go) but we'll see about future years.  Perhaps my burns are a thing of the past.  It's crazy to think that, at this time next year, I'll have a baby.  Wow.   My parents will be coming up in a couple weeks for Christmas so that's exciting.  I'm trying to get Sam excited about the holidays - his family sort of stopped celebrating them at an early age so he has a bit of a negative outlook on them.  He knows that that'll change in time, especially with having a kid, but it'll take some time.  
Overall, life is good.  I want to get back into Social Work and volunteering but that may be a few months out.  We shall see what happens when we have our child and what sacrifices and compromises we will make.  I can not wait.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

To a fresh start

Where to begin... life has been crazy these last few weeks but AMAZING!!! I went to San Fran, Burning Man, SLO and LA for 2 1/2 weeks and wish I could go back to it all. San Francisco was awesome because I got to spend time with my friends I haven't seen in forever (but grew up with!) and we had a crazy night of karaoke. We may not see each other as much as we would like but, when we do finally get to hang out, it's always amazing. They are truly the best friends I could ever ask for. When they found out I called the wedding off, they were willing to fly me up ASAP and pay for the plane ticket. I hope they know how grateful I am to have them in my life. Just knowing that they're there for me no matter what, life is just that much easier. After being in San Fran for a few days, we headed out to Burning Man!!! This year couldn't have been more perfect. My amazing friends were there and it was awesome catching up with them. I met my kindred spirit - a 45 year old massage therapist who lives in Bend. We're gonna hang out eventually. The art was amazing and the Temple was literally breath taking! I came to a lot of realizations while out at burning man and really came back a new person. Instead of hating Steven for everything that happened between us, I actually became grateful for all that happened between Steven and I. Yeah - breaking up sucks and I am still hurting from it but I am doing a lot better. Our break up showed me who am I and what I deserve in a relationship. I was able to find out how strong I can truly be and how, no matter what, I can and will make the right decision for me. I miss him still and still cry but it's all a little bit better everyday (until October comes then I may fall apart again). Burning Man was just full of happiness, bonding with old friends and making new friends. I can't wait to go back! (unless the theme next year really is "default world"). After Burning man, I went to SLO for a few days and saw some amazing friends and my grandma then went to LA and saw my sister and Gregg's new place and got to hang out with my parents. I took the train from Sacramento so I got to hang out with my bestie and have a few drinks with her. I made so many friends on the train and was just so happy to return home. I was homeless for a few days but, after months of waiting, I'm finally in my new place. A fresh start to end this year on a positive note. I was reading a previous blog about all the things I had to look forward to this year and how excited I was and it made me sad but then I realized, I still have plenty of things to look forward. I'm a new person. I'm single. I have tons of friends and I enjoy my job (for the first time in 3 years). Perhaps this isn't where I thought I was going to be but at least I'm happy and I love my new place (and I may have a roommate which will be way fun).

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Vacation

So - I left on Tuesday (June 15), after my wonderful GRADUATION!!!! I was a tad bit hung over from my graduation BBQ so we had to stop a few times so I could vomit on the side of the road. Excellent start, if I do say so myself. We made it to Rocklin around 5p I believe to pick up Amberlina. She has a pretty adorable little dog. After that, we made it to SLO around 10p and we were ready for bed. The next morning, we road our bikes to Louisa's for breakfast. As we were trying to park our bikes in a, definitely overcrowded bike rack, I accidentally hit this guys chair while I was trying to park my bike. He completely overreacted and our convo went something like this:
Jerk: "what, just f*ck anyon
e who wants to sit down?" WHOA!! this caught me way off guard. I looked at him and said, Me: "I'm sorry. I was just trying to figure out how to get my bike in. I wasn't just going to leave it."
Jerk: "No you weren't. You were just knocking into things like no one else mattered."
Me: "I just needed to park my bike."

YELL YELL YELL - him mumbling rude things.
Me: "You don't need to be s
uch a dick!"
Jerk: "You're a b*tch!"
L - I'm not a huge fan of confrontations but I do not take kindly when strangers are rude to me - whether that be some random dude on the street or a customer - if you're rude to me, I will take it up a notch and beat you at your own game. And I did :) As I was maneuvering my bike, another guy came up to me and said "you just have to remember that there are still a lot of a$holes in the world. If this had gotten out of hand, I would have taken him down."
Jerk: "Take me down? For what?"
Nice guy: "For disturbing the peace"
Jerk: "She disturbed my peace!"

Nice guy: "Just grow up!"
YELL YELL YELL - nice guy apparently had some connections with police or something because he called them to come over and deal with the situation. Amber and I were a bit overwhelmed by it all so we continued on our way to breakfast. I hate SLO. :)
Anyway, after that, we just kept eating all day long - Lousia's then to Firestone (where I saw Joshy Poo and my best friend from Kindergarten) then we went out that night with Mandy, her boyfriend, and their friend. It was pretty entertaining but I won't go into that - bit inappropriate and disturbing :)
The next afternoon, we went to CPK to MEET THE BABIES!!! Sheryl and Steph's little bundles of joy. They were both so cute (I am so baby crazy lately - what happened!?) Quinten is a little chubster and Marshall is just so tiny and precious. man!
After SLO, we went to
LA BUT instead of making it to LA in the few hours we had planned, our car broke down right outside of Buellton. That's right, our lovely mini van full of 6 people, 2 bikes, and lots of luggage was dead. AWESOME! We had to get towed back to Buellton and stay the night in a weird hotel. We made the most of it and went to the bar and we were served by the cutest old man. In the morning, we had to rent 2 cars and learn that our van was never coming back to life. We cleaned it out (while Amber attempted to escape on her bike) continued our drive to LA. We missed our Friday fun day at Magic Mountain and had to postpone that till Saturday. This made us all a little pessimistic because of how busy we thought it was going to be. Luckily, it wasn't busy at all and it wasn't too hot. Our longest wait was probably about 25 minutes! It was awesome. Amber and I went on Gold Rusher so many times! (but still not enough) and went on every ride we wanted to AND made it past 7p (which, if anyone knows us, is quite the accomplishment). The next day was Father's Day and we took our dad out to Mos for yummy BBQ then to a random Italian Restaurant and got him Tiramisu (his fave dessert) and he loved it. It was a great little place - we got to sit outside in the sun and enjoy our desserts. It was quite the succssfull day. Then, we went home and, in honor of Father's Day, we had a CAGE FEST. Nicolas Cage is, after all, a dad. He should be honored :) So we watched some Nicolas Cage movies!!!! After LA, Amber and I drove back home. We stopped in SF and had dinner with Kerry, Michaelyn, Mo and Rachael. It was pretty good and so great to see them all. It's been too long. I miss them all already. Then we went to Rocklin to sleep. In the morning, it was time for me to head back to Eugene. So happy to be back in Oregon but I really miss my friends. I had such a great time with Amber and I hate living so far away. All in all, a successful trip with only a few mishaps. No big deal.
I am definitely home sick and really wish my parents would just move up here already :) LA is clearly killing them since it's AWFUL! I miss my friends and family! I love Eugene and the life I have. I feel like I've actually accomplished a goal, or two - I graduated from the UO, I have a job (th
at I don't really like), Steven has a job (that he loves) and things are looking pretty good. I'm so happy that Amber (finally) has a job and so does my mom. It's so wonderful when great things happen all at once. It's like a happy high! Plus, there was a rainbow today. Life is pretty good. :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

37 Odd Things

I was looking through my facebook notes and came across this one from almost exactly a year ago. I thought it'd be interesting to see how much (if anything has changed). I much preface it with the fact that, a year ago, I was living in an awful place full of negative emotions and unhappiness. Now I live in a cute little apartment with a lovely garden and tons of flowers in it! YAY For April! Here it goes: (Red was last year - Green is current - Blue is hasn't changed)

1. Do you like bleu cheese?
Not at all... one of the few cheeses I don't like
Still don't.
2. Have you ever smoked?
Yeah.... but I like my lungs... and need them when riding a bike so it's just not for me

3. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
ewww.... probs red

4. Do you own a gun?
Nope... not even a water gun
Not me personally but there is a paintball gun in this house somewhere.

5.Do you ever wish you could click "undo" in your life like you do on your computer?
Yep... like today. I bought an awesome ceramic rainbow hot air balloon thing and I had it for a whole ten minutes. I dropped it and it broke :( wish I could undo that for sure!
OMG! I remember that ceramic balloon and now I miss it again! I wish I could undo my college course classes and gotten the crappy ones out of the way a long time ago. Senioritis + awful classes = super difficult to get through!!!

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think they're one of the grosser meats and ironically, one of the few meats that I eat

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
The Peanuts Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Hot Chocolate with some VIA (Starbucks is slowly getting me hooked)

9. Can you do push ups?
Probs not... I have weak little arms

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
ooooh.. that's tough. i have way too many to choose from. i love my rainbow earrings and necklace. and i love all my rings (mainly the one i stole from my mom foreves ago)
The ring broke :( I have an awesome new pair of Rainbow star earrings that are magnificent. Ooh and some new giraffe earrings. But I have a really awesome necklace that Lily gave to me for christmas that I haven't taken off yet.

11. Favorite hobby?
uh.... bike riding and pretending like I'm creative/artistic
I don't ride my bike as much I did/should. I've been enjoying going to performances and getting more hooked onto my feminist side of reading and things associated to that.

12. Do you have A. D. D.?
At times I feel like I might...

14. Middle name?

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
I am SO full. Geronimo is being tortured and won't stop crying. I'm confused
I'm excited for the Tranny Roadshow tonight. I miss Steven. I can't wait for this term to be over!

16. Name 3 things you regularly drink.
Water, Apple Juice, Dr. Pepper
Water, Orange Soda, Brambleberry Tea

17. Current worry.
Finding a new place to live.. finances...
Senioritis is going to win and I won't graduate :(

18. Current hate right now?
My current living environment
That it's not June 14 (graduation!)

19. Favorite place to be?
Pirate's Cover at night (but the place I went has eroded away)
In Steven's arms (too cheesy?)

20. How did you bring in the new year?
I was still hung over from the night before so I sat at home with my bf and my parents at said HAPPY NEW YEAR then went home and fell asleep. AWESOME
I got way too drunk, don't remember midnight happening and drunk called basically everyone in my phone. Not the best.

21. Where would you like to go?
Italy... and magically know Italian
Still Italy but also Ireland

22. Name three people who will complete this:

23. Do you own slippers?
pretty pink ones and awesome rainbowish ones
I don't know what happened to either of those. SAD :( I steal Stevens orange ones

24. What color shirt are you wearing?
a grey sweatshirt (no shirt)
A blue tank top underneath a green long sleeved

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
no way

26. Can you whistle?
I pretend I can. Patrick calls it an off key whistle or something like that

27. Where are you now?
on my couch listening to Geronimo whine.
In my bedroom contemplating if I want to wear my awesome skirt tonight or not

28. Would you be a pirate?
YEAH! i have been a few times.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
GREASE usually
Awesome 80s hits (Pat Benatar, Cyndi Lauper, Journey)

30. Favorite Girl's Name?

31. Favorite boy's name?
Colby Jack

32. What is in your pocket right now?
I don't have a pocket
My student ID

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Steven trying to make Natalia smell his stinky armpit
I haven't laughed much today :( Oh! When I was at breakfast with Natalia and I finally found my clip! I had dropped it in my shirt earlier this morning and couldn't find it so I gave up. Then, at breakfast, I felt it and randomly pulled it out of the bottom of my shirt. She almost lost her coffee

34. What vehicle do you drive?
Raleigh bike!
Still the bike but not as much :(
35. Worst injury you've ever had?
a broken heart.. hahaha. no. uh.... i dunno. this weird gross thing on my hand. (see pic below)
bursitis - it sucks and hurts everyday. (and I still have a scar from that gross thing on my hand and if I lean on that hand too much, a weird, sharp pain shoots down from the scar)

36. Do you love where you live?
No. I love eugene but not this house
Still in Eugene and LOVE IT!!! and my new little place.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?

So what did I learn? I learned that I am in a much better/healthier living environment but I also learned I don't ride my bike nearly as much as I used to. That saddens me. Now that the end of school is so much closer, I'm more focused on my academic life rather than my social life. I learned that I buy WAY too much jewelry. Steven always tells me that but I never believe him :) It's my obsession. I also realized how much more of a feminist I am becoming each and everyday. Instead of trying to be creative/artistic, I go and watch other people perform and be amazing (Vagina Monolgues and now Tranny Roadshow) - perhaps I am living vicariously through them.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Psychology of Gender

WOW! This is going to be a tough class to get through. As people try to take apart stereotypes, they create more stereotypes. People try to justify conformity by making statements as, "I HAVE to put on make up and curl my hair before going to work." When people try to say that conforming is wrong but justify their actions because someone "makes" them, then they're still a part of the problem. One debate went like this:
Girl 1: My job makes me wear make up and high heels to work everyday.
Girl 2: Then get a different job.
Girl 1: I'm in college, I don't have much of a choice.
Girl 2: By claiming you have no choice, you're giving in to the conformity and accepting it, giving it more strength.
This class is already frustrating and it was only the third day. Perhaps this is a good class for me to have because it is full of people with so many different perspectives. My Women's and Gender Studies classes would talk about the same issues but we'd all be in agreement with one another (for the most part) and people just seemed more educated, more aware of the problems of the world.
YES, society does put a lot of pressures on women to look good but that does not mean that we have to fall under these pressures. Perhaps some women do feel they can't get ahead if they don't look good but by putting on make up just because society tells them to doesn't mean they're making a difference, they're only justifying this stereotype.
Recently, I've been watching different commercials online and am totally appalled by how sexist commercials have become! Perhaps the women's movement has made some great victories but when it comes to television and the commercials - oh man! - they are awful! There was a Jack in the Box commercial that had two "sophisticated" women talking about two different sandwiches and why one is better than the other. Jack looks at the camera and says, "this is the worst commercial I've ever been in" and one of the women says, "we can kiss." WOW! First of all, we all know that Jack is full of awful commercials and this is the first one that is dominated by women. Second of all, this is stating that, if women can't get a man to agree with her or keep his attention, she might as well make out with another woman. Basically saying, "as long as we're willing to make out with another chick, we can be stupid and still be noticed."
It's just hard for me to think that, someday I'll be raising a child in this world that is so sexist, so full of stereotypes. Censorship can only go so far and I want my child to be more open minded than I was when I was younger... is that possible in such a gender stereotypical society?
And that's what really grinds my gears.